Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
