I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
