I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
