I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
