she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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