I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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