It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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