I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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