His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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