Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
