I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
