no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
