Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
