Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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