I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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