literally had 100 drinks last night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
