Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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