I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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