dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
