im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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