while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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