I accidentally had phone sex last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
