Your tits are I can't wait for
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
