I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
