You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
someone owes me an orgasm
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
