Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
