When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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