actually, I'm a sock model
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
