I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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