so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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