so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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