Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
