So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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