I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
