Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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