Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
