At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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