That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
