im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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