Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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