What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
