wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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