She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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