I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
