forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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