please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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