Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
