think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
