Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
