just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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