I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
