the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
