dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
