Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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