and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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