i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
