we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
