dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
